I’ve just been reading an article about Elizabeth Gilbert. My monkey mind is trying to find a way forward. As quickly as possible. Preferably with lots of shortcuts. I’m on a quick fix route.
But, of course, life doesn’t work this way.
As I read the piece about Elizabeth Gilbert three words popped into my head … fill the well.
I realised that my well is empty. It’s dry, it’s a void. Because I’m in the void. The space between where I’ve been for the past five or so years and where I’m heading.
Even though I’ve travelled this path so many times, I’ve lost the map.
I’ve been trying to find the fastest way forward while all the while my head/heart/soul have been searching for what I need to fill the well.
Years ago I used to keep journals. Jottings of what I’d been up to, people I’d met, thoughts about life and the world around me. I still have many of them. At some point I stopped writing. Perhaps I had nothing interesting to say.
Went to work. Sat in traffic for two hours.
Came home. Paid bills. Shopped for food.
Somewhere along the line my creativity atrophied. My focus was on making a living to sustain a lifestyle.
Although I’ve been taking photographs when I can, I’m aware that my inner spark is flickering rather than burning brightly.
I found some answers in Elizabeth Gilbert’s comments:
My life is divided into times when I’m actively writing a book and times when I’m not.
My life is a melange of distractions and going from one thing to the other.
I need a routine. Especially because my life has been so regimented. A routine would give me a foundation to work from.
Mornings are for stuff I want to do, and the rest of the day is for stuff that I have to do.
My mornings are for stuff I really don’t want to do and what I would love to do goes by the wayside.
My life needs some focus. Even if my mornings are for sitting and watching The Good Fight on Netflix or reading the latest of a long line of downloads on my Kindle. Right now these go part way to a slow drip filling of my well.
I’ve also been trying to do some meditating. In the past much of my meditation has been done in the car. I’ve used the silence and the alone time to contemplate and juggle thoughts.
I use Insight Timer and I have a meditation of choice by this guy named Mooji.
I’ve just searched on my unused version of Insight Timer for Mooji, whose work I came across several years ago.
Right now I’m doing the Artist’s Way course.
Someone I spoke to recently suggested that the answers were within and that was where I needed to look. I agree. I’d forgotten though that there are tools that can help us with this excavation. I have pretty much all of Julia Cameron’s books including the Artist’s Way. I can’t remember, though, the last time I did the whole course. Bear with me while I track down my copy on my bookshelves!
I’m learning, perhaps not fast enough for me, that if I can relax and sit back, the answers are out there. There are signs and messages – you just have to be aware of them and heed them.
What’s fascinating, too, is that I know this stuff. It had just become forgotten somewhere in the mists of time. Everything comes full circle.